On Second Thought

Maybe the most common theme I have blogged about since beginning this online journal 2+ year ago, is the frequency with which middle age and older adults -- particularly women, in the East, feel it is their self-righteous duty to tell you what's on their mind. This is especially true in regard to the number, gender, behavior, and appearance of one's children. As stated here before, I am so frequently asked, "Are they all yours?" that I often tune the question out (which is rude, I know.)

So, today I took my brood to Costco. Now to be sure, taking all five of the kids on any kind of shopping excursion has drawbacks. If I have to make any type of thoughtful decision or careful plan, one or all of the children is sure to be screaming at me, or each other, or some other ridiculous behavior to make deep and meaningful thought difficult. However, Costco -- especially if I've made a list, is actually set up for someone like me. The carts are two-seaters which is great for my two babies. The aisles are wide and let's face it -- it's a warehouse, so I don't have to be really careful about what the 5 year old touches or whether or not there are cracker crumbs dropping to the floor with our every step.

So, there we were, making our way through Costco and making sure to grab the items for which we had the coveted "Costco coupons." Our Costco is 2 floors, so if you are shopping sans kids, you wheel your cart over and they put the cart on a conveyor while you ride up behind it. If you have kids in the cart though, you are required to take a big, oversize elevator which only shuttles between the two floors, but must actually be lifted by beasts of burden because it. is. so. slow.

Anyway, we had navigated both floors without losing anyone, dropping any goods, or taking too many samples. We were coming out of the elevators back on the first floor when we passed an older couple. The woman looked at me in some disbelief at my full cart and proclaimed in the usual, loud New Yorker voice, "Did you leave anything for the rest of us?" My first thought was to give her just a little bit of evil. Someone needs a nasty Denise comeback. But the truth is, I'm not so great at confrontation. My nasty Denise comebacks usually transpire in my head 30 minutes after the fact. Plus, what kind of good comes from a not-too-nice comeback when all my kids hear their Mom being way less than Christ-like. So, I smiled and kept walking. All the while grumbling silently to myself and thinking my mean thoughts.

After we got through checkout, the kids wanted pizza. I love feeding the kids dinner at Costco. It's cheap, it's easy, and if they spill it on the concrete floor, no one cares and I don't have to clean it up. So we got our pizza and water and sat down to eat. A few minutes later the older couple came through the checkout and proceeded to order their slices of pizza. They chose a table across from us. As the older woman passed to get some napkins, she picked up Eliza's coat which had fallen off the bench. A few minutes later, the woman passed by again and noticed that Eliza's coat had fallen again -- but this time, since her hands were full, she said to me, "Her coat is on the floor again. I picked it up once, but it fell back down."

I turned to Emma and asked her to grab the coat, thinking to myself, here we go...I'm going to be berated now for the number of children I have, or their careless behavior, or their loud voices, or SOMETHING. A few minutes later, we finished -- about the same time as the older couple and as I passed by the woman on my way to the garbage she asked THE question, "Are all those children YOURS?"

"Yes," I said. "Every.single.one." She paused, looked up into my face, and said, "Well they are just beautiful. Aren't you so lucky? You look like you're 15."

I laughed. "No," I said, "I'm closer to 40, actually."

She replied, "But your skin is so lovely and your hair is so light and pretty. Your children must be keeping you young. They are all so beautiful. God certainly is smiling on you, dear. I'm 83, and you know, I had 3 little children once. They are the joy of my life." (As she is saying all this her husband is nodding his head.)

I looked at her, my expression softened (how could it not?). I turned to my darling children and said, "I am SO blessed and I know it. Thank you for taking the time to tell me, though. Every mother should be reminded what a blessing her kids are."

She patted my arm and waived us goodbye. In the end, I believe, most people are good. Most people want to be nice to other people. Most of the time, if I'm taking offense to something, it's my fault -- not the fault of the person giving the offense, because maybe they don't even know they are offending.

"We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul — We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things."