Last week I took Caroline and Samuel Schmidt to swimming lessons. As I sat poolside, I became aware of the woman sitting to my left. She was quite pretty, petite, tan, carefully manicured. She looked delicate -- like something that had been carefully kept. I started thinking about how she reminded me of all the things I thought I should be when I grew up. As a child, I remember thinking that when I grew up I was going to always look amazing. I wouldn't have the scabby knees of childhood or the unkempt hair. I would look perfect, smell perfect, act perfect. Like the woman at swimming lessons.
As it always does, time passed. I grew-up. And, I'm not delicate. Sometimes when I look in the mirror and see the person looking back, I think how is it possible that I should have become what it is obvious that I am -- NOT DELICATE! But then, as I carefully consider what this non-delicate body has been through, I am glad that I am not one of those that has to be carefully kept. I have borne five children, weathered illness, driven children cross-country by myself, lived in a large city with 2 kids and no car, bicylced my way through Japan, walked and walked and walked. And every day, this not at all pristine body keeps going, keeps doing the things I need it to do -- and somehow, I even have energy to spare most days. So, at the end of my life, I'm guessing I won't be an heirloom quality piece, but I will have lived, really LIVED, having used everything I was given -- for the purpose it was given me.
I guess, in the end, I'd rather be a scratched up old thing, than a delicate something, never used and on the shelf. To quote the Velveteen Rabbit:
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
9 comments:
nicely done. the quality of this post is exceeded only by the life that inspired it. rarely does a day go by that i am not grateful to have married someone "real", even when i fail to show that gratitude.
What a sweet comment by your husband!
You are one of the most real people I know. And I think better for it.
Great post.
I meant--I think you are better because you are real.
(I'm just not making any sense today!)
Great post Denise. You are amazing - I miss have you live so close but it is great to hear you insights through your blog. Miss you!
aw, i love the last quite how it all ties togther. well written and thoughtful sentiments of self.
You were always real. I find that the message of the Velveteen Rabbit always seems more poignant to me when I am feeling beat down in some way. There's something about the wear and tear of life that certainly does lend itself to a feeling of "becoming", doesn't it? Still - you've always been real to me. And I had no idea you wanted to grow up to be "delicate". Glamorous, dynamic, strong, intelligent - sure. But delicate? Hmm, learn something new every day. I think you're all those other things anyway, and they're better. Love you!
I love this!
Beautifully said.
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